The other was fair, as fair as can be, with great wavy masses of golden hair and eyes like pale sapphires. I seemed somehow to know her face, and to know it in connection with some dreamy fear, but I could not recollect at the moment how or where.
The most common read I see of Jonathan saying he recognizes the blonde vampire from a ‘dreamy fear’ is that it’s an editing error or a callback to Dracula’s Guest, but a chilling Watsonian interpretation occurred to me:
What if this isn’t the first time she found him.
What if that “dreamy fear” is like all the other vampire victims who can’t remember being fed on unless it’s interrupted—like Mina and her nightmares before October 3, or the entire time Dracula was preying on Lucy.
It would explain why Jonathan feels such dread at the sight of her, specifically, and would go along with the theory that Dracula didn’t really care what happened to Jonathan before deciding he wanted him for an extra month.
Daughter of fantasy villains decides to rebel against her parents by actually going through with her arranged marriage to a local golden retriever of a prince instead of running off with some local villain-to-be or conquering said golden retriever’s kingdom and ruling it solo like her parents expect her to. Plus, sue her, she’s into the clean-cut earnest look.
At the same time, local prince charming discovers that he’s actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gown…?
Meanwhile, two pairs of parents in a tizzy because they both expected their offspring to whole-heartedly reject this union and give them an excuse to conquer their goody-two-shoes/evil neighbours, they’re not supposed to actually like each other-!
respective friend groups undergoing culture clash like all of prince charming’s knights are like what vile spell has been used to ensorcel our prince. we must be on our guard for surely this is but a ruse for an assassination attempt
meanwhile the villain bride’s friends are all like clearly he loves you not, why do you persist in a manner that will ensure your own heart break, i mean if he was taking this seriously there would be at least three assassination attempts by now. it’s like he doesn’t even notice that you have massive amounts of dark power to covet for his own
smashcut to
fully armored knight, clanging through the hallways in attempts at stealth, blades drawn: i’m just saying, i took an oath of protection. this feels wrong.
prince charming: it’s not wrong, it’s celebrating cross cultural traditions for my beloved bride
knight: it’s attempted murder
prince charming: it’s a loving attempted murder
@chucktaylorupset Meanwhile the bride has a bouquet of roses, cornflowers, and wheat sheaves on her desk in her room, and she’s not coming out until she’s written a beautiful and moving poem about how they favourably compare to her groom. It’s been three days. She’s gone through an entire raven’s worth of quills (unethically sourced). The ‘toads who used to be my friends’ list has gone up by one. But she’s bent dark forces and eldritch spirits to her will and, by the powers obscene, this will not be the thing that breaks her.
Sorceress friend: Please, just get him an amulet that will double his power at the cost of his soul, no one’s worth this.
Rebellious villainess: (nearly in tears) No, he brought his best knights to the castle and tried to kill me last week, at midnight, I can’t ignore something like that! He even kicked Cathulhu!
Sorceress friend: He nudged it with his foot. And then he apologized to it. In tears.
Rebellious villainess: (actually in tears now, for reasons of feels instead of poetic torment) He’s trying so hard!!!
Villainess: Beloathed, I need a goat.
Prince: Of course, darling - may I inquire as to what for?
Villainess: Blood sacrifice to the dark gods, you know how it is.
Prince: …
Prince: …darling, you know I support your lifestyle choices, but I must say this before it potentially happens.
Prince: I’m not all right with human sacrifice. That’s one of my boundaries. I don’t know if you do that or not, but it seemed a topical time to bring it up.
Villainess: (carefree laugh) Oh beloathed, don’t worry yourself about such things, I would never!
Villainess: (leading him off to the goat market) Only incompetents use actual humans. Skilled practitioners of the dark arts know that a goat is not only a sufficient sacrifice, but the superior one.
Prince: You don’t say? Fascinating!
@sapphire-monkey One of the nobles against the marriage in the prince’s kingdom invites the villainess to a local village’s blessing ritual, secure in the knowledge that it’s not only custom to wear the absolute palest white or undyed linen/woolen clothing one owns, it’s a requirement of the ritual and sacrilegious to do otherwise. Let’s see you deal with that miss all-black-wardrobe.
She arrives in diaphanous white silk edged with lace that gives the impression of beautifully tattered hems, all of it drifting gently around her on the spring breeze to give the feeling of a wraith from a haunted castle or something of the such. While not her personal cup of tea, she finds the ritual very moving, and absolutely understands why its one of her beloathed’s favorites.
One of the nobles from her kingdom, meanwhile, decides, fuck it, and just turns the prince into a frog. It takes her two minutes to find and fix him.
Villain noble: How.
Villainess: True love’s kiss, bitch.
Villain noble: (seethes)
The prince, meanwhile, pissed off the entire villainous court for the recent engagement ball that was held by knowing and responding accordingly to all the proper threats and insults. He studied before doing this, and he’s not going to shame darling in front of her peers! Bastard even managed to subdue his chivalry long enough to flirt with one of her friends right in front of her, how dare he be so considerate and sensitive to her needs like that-!?
Hollywood has no concept of what 5th century Romans looked like. If I’m watching a movie about the final days of the Western Roman Empire, I should be seeing zero togas. It’s like if you made a movie about the Trump administration, you wouldn’t have people dressed like the founding fathers. That’s how wrong it is.
This is what 5th century Romans looked like:
I think the problem is that pop culture has this theme park version of history that treats time periods like distinct worlds with no fluidity between them. In Roman Times, people dressed like this vs Medieval Times when people dressed like that. But that is obviously not how time works. The end of the Western Roman Empire led directly into and overlapped with the Middle Ages, and the aesthetics we associate with medieval Europe were already long established.
On a related note, the “barbarians” didn’t dress like you think they did either. Less of this:
More of this:
(Art by Angus McBride)
Again, the end of the Western Roman Empire was the beginning of medieval Europe, and it already looked like it.
The notable exception was the Franks, who apparently really did dress like that:
There really is an exception to everything, and it’s usually the French.
it’s true that gingers like myself are more likely to acquire skin cancer from sun exposure
it is ALSO true that people of color are more likely to DIE of skin cancer (a very survivable cancer) due to late diagnosis, medical racism, and lower levels of access to care
pls take care of your skin. it’s your biggest organ
three fun and sexy facts about me: 1.) i have a slight fructose intolerance which manifests itself mostly in me getting violently ill whenever i eat garlic. 2.) i have “delayed phased sleep disorder” aka my body wants to sleep during the day and stay up at night. 3. i am extremely sensitive to sunlight and cannot be in direct sunlight for more than like five minutes without getting burned or overheated.
extra bonus fun and sexy fact: the one and only time i stepped foot in a catholic church, someone spilled hot coffee on me and i got a bad burn on my chest and had to leave before the service started
unrelated: i think i might start taking classes to become a phlebotomist
wait i gotta google something
yeah this is funny
[ID: a screenshot of a tag: i bet op would die if you stabbed them in the heart with a wooden stake too. /end ID].